he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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