sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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