Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
