You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
