Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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