its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
