Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
