take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
