I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
