I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
