Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
