pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
MIDGETS
????
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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