I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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