I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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