You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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