I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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