I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
50% drunk capacity currently
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
