I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
