Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she smelled like a LAN party
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
