We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
