forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
