I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
oh god the rape fog is back!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
