yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He felt like a one man threesome
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
