i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
