we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize