I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
