what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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