Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
