My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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