wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
