sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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