I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
