I must be too annoying 4 u.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i need to put some appletini on your dick
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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