respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
