Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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