Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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