saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
