Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
