i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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