Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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