ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
