Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
