Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
