okay pat passed out under dana's car
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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