Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
