This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i've created a new STD.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
