he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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