I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
