Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
