called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
