There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
